CTA Tattler

Are they going to keep their arms, ass, and legs on their side of the @#!&ing seat?

Unfortunately, #3 on the list above seems to apply quite a bit, especially on the Red Line...

My sidelong glance is generally "Is he/she ever going to shut the hell up and put that cell phone away?"

My most common sidelong glance thoughts are "Wow, she IS cute," "Is he/she really picking their nose?" and "Who would let their daughter out of the house in such a scandalous outfit?"

"I hope I don't get pickpocketed yet AGAIN."

It's truly nice to experience the diversity of people who ride the CTA, no matter how annoying they might get at times.

But I always joke with my friends that I don't understand the behavior patterns of some riders sometimes.

This for example.

I'm a stocky guy and I'm afraid that I'm one of those people who's butt might fall over into your territory slightly. Hey, this is Chicago and the people are biggie-sized compared to those seat measurements, which must have been taken in the Pacific Rim.

Anyway, since I'm a member of the Chunk Nation as I'd like to call it, I don't get it when another person who is who is also carrying a wide load plops down in the seat next to me. Huh?

Why is this done, especially if there are many open seats next to people who may offer extra room because of their thin body make-up? Does Chunk#2 think that our rotund realities will somehow vanish in the eyes of others if we merge into one behemoth of flesh?

It's horribly uncomfortable to have two upright cattle struggling to hang on in those tiny seats, especially when the Red Line rides like a saddlelessss horse in the wild.

Oh well, I guess that's life and the consequence of enjoying too much comfort food. :]

Sometimes, if it's a cute guy, I wonder if he'll talk to me.

They never do.

Damn.

Deepkid wrote in his hilarious comment:

"It's horribly uncomfortable to have two upright cattle struggling to hang on in those tiny seats, especially when the Red Line rides like a saddlelessss horse in the wild."

But just think how miserable ALL of us would be if the CTA switched to cars where all the seats were in a line facing each other. I wrote about it earlier here:

http://kjo84.typepad.com/cta_tattler/2004/06/new_red_line_se.html

You don't have to be a member of the "Chunk Nation" to be feeling squeezed in that seating scenario.

i usually also evaluate the potential-date characteristics of my seatmate, to some degree. and i gauge their age relative to my own.

"You don't have to be a member of the "Chunk Nation" to be feeling squeezed in that seating scenario."

Thank God the CTA decided not to convert more cars to this layout. Even the test car has now been returned to the standard seating arrangment for the 3200-series and is back in service on the Brown Line.

Now that I think about it, did the CTA ever release any sort of statement on what people thought of the New York-style seats?

All I ever think when I'm on the bus is, "GET OFF YOUR F*CK*NG CELL PHONE!!"

I glance over to see what book they're reading.

I usually think, 1)"If they fall asleep, I hope they don't lean over on me." and 2)"Do they look clean?." I feel horrible, but there you have it. And along with the two posts above mine; what is everyone reading and yes, get off the damn phone!!! I'm tired of hearing about everyones' private lives, and at the same time.

I have to know what everyone is reading. Everyone close enough for me to see, anyway. Not just which paper, but which article. I bet I annoy a lot of people doing that.

As a self-conscious chunker myself, I usually opt to stand if I can't get one of the single seats on my morning Brown Line.

I was, however, hilariously macked on once by a seatmate back when I first moved to the city, in '96 or '97. She was in her mid-30s or so, fairly cute in an NPR-ish kinda way, and a bit of a talker. Out of the blue, she hit me with a line along the lines of "I bet women are always asking if they can rest their head on those big, broad shoulders of yours." This was, of course, the perfect opening for an experience that could've ultimately gone along the lines of a Penthouse letter, but I lamely replied with something like "No, that doesn't happen all that often" and went back to my reading.

Lots of things go through my mind on the el or on the bus, but these come up the most often:

1. He's cute.

2. What's that smell?

3. Get off your cellphone. Or, if you're going to stay on your cellphone for the duration of this trip, at least start talking about something more interesting or interesting than the totally awesome dinner you had at Bin 36, the night you got wasted at John Barleycorn, or your cute new golden retriever puppy that you're naming Bailey, Jackson, Buddy, Taylor, or Stoli.

4. Cute shoes.

5. I wonder what they're listening to. (headphone-wearers only)

I sam often guilty of the same things that Laura and Cheryl admitted to earlier

I'm usually seething about a cellphone user, too. Why do I always get to ride with the angry ones, and why do the people on the other end put up with their ranting? What did Type A people do before cellphones? Maybe sit quietly, blood pressure rising, until their hearts exploded. Well, OK, if it's an outlet. But keep it down, for crying out loud. Chicago seems to have more than its share of "my problem is ultra-important, and I want everyone to share my stress, if I'm on my phone and loud, I must be working hard and being valuable" -type folks. The more monastic among us don't appreciate it.

I finally did it... I said (to the obnoxious 20-something woman gabbing loudly on her cell) what everyone else on the bus was thinking but didn't dare say: "Hey! Get off your f*ck*ng phone!!" Of course my outburst won me no rounds of applause as I thought it might but the dimwit was so shocked by my outburst that she stopped talking! Mission accomplished.

I'm not a constant cell talker but I was wondering do my quick I'll be home in 15 minuts or hey I'm near so-and-so need me to pick anything up calls bother people or is it just the long hi everyone see how vapid I am calls?

Kaitlin, I can't speak for anyone else, but I certainly I have problem with the kind of calls you mention above. As long as they are not real loud and to the point, that's cool.

As you say, it's the vapid "how cool am I" and "hey listen to me" calls that I find annoying. I mean really, can't it wait 20 minutes or whatever till you're off the train?

If you wait til you're off the train, you can't use that magical world-weariness in your voice when you say "Yeah, I'm ... on the train" like you are so important you never get to be home and you're forced to do your socializing on the train where everyone can hear how f**ing cool you are to have so many friends. Or was that your point?

I find it a guilty pleasure to hear people complain (on their cell) how loud it is (on the el), and that they can hardly hear. This is often accompanied by the body's natural reaction to become increasingly louder to compensate for all the ambient noise.

1. does this person think i'm a douche because i'm a) talking too loud on my phone b)mumbling into my phone so as not to disturb others, though I do anyway since then I look/sound creepy

2. will my fellow rider give me a roll in the hay?

3. or has my cell conversation ruined all that?

4. is my fellow rider the one who left the turd in the Dunkin Donuts cup in the 'hobo-seat' on the redline? (if so, my chances for hay-rolling just went up)

I like to read the slogans on people's clothes, and sometimes ask them about the slogans. I once had a really interesting conversation with a guy in his 70s about the various pins on his hat, which he got from various fundraisers and events he was proud of.

As annoying, REALLY ANNOYING, as the cell phone calls of others can be, lately I've decided to make them more interesting...for ME. I look right at the person, switching between looking at their eyes and their mouth, and I pay attention like they are talking to ME. They are, aren't they? If they don't get the hint (and they NEVER do) I start nodding my head or shaking it when ever they ask a question. And next (and always the fun part) I start answering and joining the conversation as if I'm the person on the other end. I love using such lines as "Well that's because she's a whore." or "Well then maybe you shouldn't wear that outfit." and my favorite...."Okay, what time should I meet you there.". Tee hee.

I glance up to see if someone I know or recognize is sitting down next to me. It's amazing how everyone becomes so familiar when you ride the same train day after day.

Will she notice that I can't stop staring at her because she's so beautiful?

ciao,
john.

First I look to see if they're clean. Then if they're reading I check that out, but since I take the brown line more often then not it’s usually some boring yuppie best seller. Then, if they're one of those vapid cellphone clones, which of course happens quite frequently on the brown line, I give them dirty looks, especially after a long, hard, day at work when I would love to read my book in peace & quiet like probably many people at that time. Once this lady got on the train with a whole bunch of luggage, looking DEAD TIRED, like she'd been traveling thru the African congo for days. Well the only seat open was next to one of the worst kind of cell phone offenders; loud talking, annoying giggling, & “airheady” conversation (I’m sure you know what I mean). I felt sorry for this woman & asked her if she would like my seat, also because where I was sitting there was more room for her luggage, but she said no that's alright & dealt with it. Maybe she was dead to anything at that point but she certainly had a pained expression on her face for the rest of the ride. I would've loved to give that girl a good slap...and I don't think anyone would've testified against me either. Really, don’t these people get it??