Allergic performance
Riding the Purple Line south, a woman boards at Noyes. Everything about her was brown -- brown mousy hair, brown glasses, brown wool coat, sensible brown shoes. She was clutching two brown Whole Foods bags. Call her Brown One.
She sits in a seat by herself. A family consisting of husband, wife, sister-in-law, and six children under 12 get on at Foster. They're a nice-looking bunch. Very handsome and pleasant to look at. The kids were well-dressed and well-behaved.
The husband and wife sit across from the Brown One and begin to talk about a church charity they were involved in. Within seconds, Brown One begins sneezing repeatedly and violently, and making a big show of waving her hand around her face. Gagging. Coughing.
She turns to Handsome Lady and says, in an accusatory tone, "Your perfume is making me sneeze."
Handsome Lady looks perplexedly at her husband and says, "I'm not wearing any perfume. Maybe it's you." They seem genuinely puzzled by it all.
Brown One sighs loudly and turns her face toward the window, all the while making gagging noises and gulping big breaths, in an ostentatious display of her "allergic" suffering. The train stops before Howard for many minutes.
Brown One then pointedly gets up and stomps past these "offenders" with her bags, and moves to the front of the car, breathing heavily and deeply the whole way.
maybe she's allergic to families. maybe it's a subconscious childhood thing. maybe she meant to get on the brown line because she was wearing all brown, and the red line clashed with her intentions. so she sneezed!
Posted by: laura | December 01, 2004 at 08:50 AM
Was the family brown? Maybe she's allergic to brown people?
Seriously, it could have been the detergent the Handsome Family uses to wash their clothes. Or maybe the the Brown Lady is nuts.
Posted by: Jasmine | December 01, 2004 at 11:36 AM
I'm not sure if it was the Brown woman, but I had a similar experience on the Purple line going south on Monday. She was sitting down reading and a woman got on at Belmont and sat next to her. Within moments, she started coughing and wheezing and told the woman "Ma'am, your perfume is really bothering me." The woman didn't say anything, then after a few more moments of hacking and wheezing she said, "Ma'am, I can't stand sitting next to you, and I was here first. You need to move." The woman just looked at her, but then politely stood up and moved down. There weren't any empty seats and this woman was older -- fortunately someone gave up their seat for her. Now that I think of the wheezer, she certainly may have been monochromatic, though the exact tone escapes me.
Posted by: Barbara | December 01, 2004 at 12:24 PM
Jasmine, Handsome Family wasn't Brown (nor African-American, for that matter.)
My money is on Brown One being a little nuts. But I suppose it truly might have been something else in the air. Hmmmm.... maybe it was ME!
Posted by: Kevin | December 01, 2004 at 12:41 PM
Brown Lady makes me think of all the times I've been crushed up against someone drenched in Drakkar or Clinique Happy during rush hour on a train that has stopped due to signalling up ahead or some other thing. I don't get motion sickness, but the right scent can totally knock me for a loop. Don't even get me started on patchouli.
That being said, I think Brown Lady is certifiable. Or maybe she truly is allergic to the merest of fragrance and this for some reason drives her into a near-Incredible Hulk type fit.
Posted by: Jasmine | December 01, 2004 at 04:14 PM
I hate the overpowering stench of perfume or cologne, whether it be on the train or on the street or in the office. Don't people realize that the whole idea of scenting yourself is that other people should only be able to smell it if they are very close to you, and then it should only be a subtle scent. The scent should catch your attention briefly and act as an "enhancement" of the person wearing it. Under no circumstances should someone be able to smell your perfume or cologne from more than 5-7 feet away (well, maybe with the help of a strong wind), and the odor shouldn't be a club that beats your poor senses into submission!
Posted by: Mock26 | December 01, 2004 at 06:48 PM
After reading so many comments about the number of offensive odors so frequently endured riding the CTA, I'd think that I would be relieved to be next to someone who has 1) recently showered, 2)put on clean clothes, and 3) smells good no matter how much cologne or perfume they are wearing!!!
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