CTA Tattler

Bus tales: Brawling brothers confront screaming toddler

My lovely spouse shares this wacky CTA bus story, a personal birthday gift to her from the CTA denizens. It's great to know buses are no more or less wild and crazy than the trains.

I board the No. 81 Lawrence bus at California headed eastbound. I'm carrying our pet cockatiel in a traveler’s cage, coming from a checkup.

I work my way to the back of the bus, where I see two women in their early 20s chatting, while their two toddlers play on a seat. The women are discussing their plans for after they get their GED degree, oblivious to the fact that their toddlers are starting to get into tussle over who gets to sit in the seat by the door. They get louder, as it appears the younger one is gaining the upper hand in the argument.

Just then, a 40-ish man boards and -- GASP!! -- takes the coveted seat by the door! This sends the younger toddler over the edge, and she starts wailing and screeching.

That finally gets her mother's attention, and she starts hitting and pinching her. "Shut the f*ck up! Shut up NOW!" She whips out her cell phone and warn: "I'm calling Michael! You think I'm lying? I'm gonna press Send right now. You think I'm kidding." This went on for a few minutes.

Near Lincoln Square, two men who looked like brothers boarded with another much older drinking buddy. And yes, they were very drunk. They sit down next to me. The younger brother soon became so irritated by the constant screaming that he bends over her mother's lap and touched the kid, demanding to know why she was crying. "Why is she crying?" he keeps asking.

His brother yells at him, "Leave them the f*ck alone! That ain't none of your goddamn business." His brother turned and hotly replied: "F*ck you! I can do whatever I want!" The older brother stands up and begins flailing at his younger brother, throwing punches that sometimes met their mark.

I yank on his jacket and implored loudly, "Gentlemen! Not here! Not here!" The younger brother breaks free, stalks to the back exit, turns and warns his brother, "F*ck you! I'll find you later." Then he exits the back door.

Mind you now, the 2-year-old hasn't stopped crying yet. The older brother then tries his hand at making her stop. "Why is she crying? What's the matter? Don't cry baby."

I tap his shoulder and say, "Sir, you're just making it worse. Sit down." He does as instructed. His older drinking buddy mutters, "Man, don't do that shit on the bus."

He replies, "Man, my life was hundred times worse than that kid's and I was never allowed to behave like that. It's the goddamn parent's fault if you ask me. His pal said, "Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn't be talking about it on the bus, know what I mean?"

When we finally got to the Lawrence Red Line station, the 40-ish man got up from his seat, and the tantrum-throwing toddler instantly stopped screaming, and sat in his coveted seat.