CTA Tattler

How particles can conquer space

Here's another in my continuing series this week on CTA crazies:

Heading north on the Red Line during the after-work rush hour, a 60-ish man with gray hair in a neat pony tail boards at Fullerton. Immediately he begins ranting loudly, making no sense at all.

"Those angels are nothing but socialists. And they don't go to church either."

"People can memorize entire phone books, but they are still mortal beings."

"Part of your soul is leaving you every day. If you only knew the number of particles in your body, then you could conquer space. You conquer space with all those particles."

After he left the train at Addison, a woman knowingly said, "He's a regular. He just babbles."

A guy sitting across from her seemed relieved to hear that. "Yeah, well, that's good. I was trying to make sense of him."

In the news: CTA chair's blog and bummed Brown Line businesses

Two different news stories in today's Tribune pubs show different sides of the CTA.

The first shows the open, accessible side -- at least that's what the CTA powers-that-be would like you to believe with the new blog written by CTA board chair Carole Brown. RedEye columnist Alison Neumer talks to other CTA bloggers (including yours truly) about Brown's foray into the blogosphere.

Meanwhile, another Tribune writer tells of the anxiety being felt by Brown Line businesses as they face station closures and probably loss of business when the Brown Line expansion project begins.

Of boogers and booties

We all see people on the CTA who look like they went off their meds. This week I'm documenting my encounters with the same on the Red Line. (Plenty of Tattler material here!)

I've seen this one guy at least a half-dozen times: Mid-40s, scrawny light brown that looks like he's been pulling it out; coke-bottle glasses; scraggly, Don Johnson beard, minus Don's good looks. And today he's wearing a protective foot bootie.

He keeps up a steady conversation, often in response to the automated CTA announcements, such as "doors closing": "Well close the dam doors then why doncha!"

On this ride, he has a seat all to himself in the rear of the car (of course everyone avoids sitting next to him). A woman gets on and the guy says: "Seat down in that seat or I'll take it. If you don't want it I'll grab it." (Mind you, he already has a seat.

Later, he sits laboriously picking he nose, and then happily examines his choice booger.  Then eats it.

He keeps moving to other seats, and brushes past someone in the process. "Do you mind not touching me? I don't like to be touched. Anyone who touches me has a problem."

The scary mentally ill

I've written here quite often about the antics of mentally ill people. And so have you. These poor people are struggling with their demons, and we are very afraid of them. This week I'll blog about some recent experiences with the mentally challenged.

We start today with a contribution from my loving spouse:

It's 11 p.m. on the Red Line heading north about of Fullerton. When I board I see a hoggishly obese woman of indeterminate age, wearing an olive-drab, good-quality wool coat, a velvet skirt and a chartreuse and crimson sweater.  On her head is a lovely Barbara Streisand wig.

Throughout the ride she makes constant creepy, repetitive hiccuping and jerky, involuntary movements. She occasionally lifts her sweater to scratch her ample, stretch-marked gut. She has dreadful scars on her hands that look like slash or cut marks.

Every person in the car glances at her furtively, fearfully. Her lack of volition is disturbing. Those awful, jerky, involuntary motions. Mental illness scares people.

She was on my car for the entire train ride, scaring the living crap out of me! Naturally, she got off at my stop.

CTA prepares the pink slips

How would you like to be "administratively separated" from your job?

That's what the CTA is preparing to do to many of its workers if the state legislature doesn't fork with the $55 million needed to balance the CTA's budget.

The Sun-Times reported Friday about how the CTA sent layoff notices to 1,884 employees last week. The CTA also issued a scripted guide for managers, including this line: "You will be administratively separated from CTA effective (July 17). This decision has been reviewed by management and is final."

And: "Don't try to find some cause in something you did or didn't do. Instead, focus on making the best of the situation."

Ohh-Kay!

And that's to Tony's SaveChicagoTransit site for the tip on the story.

Crazy cellers and just plain crazies

Jasmine had one of those bus rides the other day that I always seem to encounter. Thanks for sharing with us Jasmine:

Earlier this evening, I was on the outbound Milwaukee Avenue bus (that would be the 56). I was trying to read The New Yorker but I couldn't, as there were dueling Trixies on their cell phones across the aisle from me. When I first noticed them, I thought they were talking to each other. But then I realized that they were both speaking, on their own phones, to different parties. And though there were plenty of seats for one of them to move to, neither budged from her seat. I was hoping that they'd get in each other's faces and start squabbling, but alas, no. They both disembarked at different stops between Division and North Ave.

I get off the bus at Western Avenue, so I can get the Western bus (24) up to Bark Chicago to pick up my friend's dog. The bus is awhile coming, but when it comes I see that I am rewarded by the following personages:

1. Middle-aged man, dirty baseball cap, staring straight ahead. His face is wet, though it doesn't look like he's crying. He has a thick thread of drool streaming out of his mouth. Nobody takes the free seat next to him.
2. Young man in baggy jeans, jacket, basketball jersey. Immaculate white Nikes, cell phone on which he takes and makes about five short calls between Milwaukee and Armitage. I hear him dial and leave the following message: "I heard you been calling on my sister's phone. If I hear you calling on my sister's phone, you better believe I'm gonna break your face motherfucker. Again, you call my sister's phone, and I will break your motherfuckin' face."

CTA, the rolling toilet

We all have encountered smelly El stations, reeking of urine and other unmentionables. But AJS has a different twist on the story. Thanks for sharing!

Is the smell of human waste getting more and more common on the CTA? I think it is and here's a story from a dear friend of mine to confirm this:

Red Line, aprox. 1:00 AM, between Grand and Sheridan. A rough looking woman dressed in a fuzzy full length coat boards going northbound. She sprawls out on the inward facing seats nearest the door and closes her eyes. A stop or two later a CTA employee boards the car and tells her sleeping is not permitted and she must sit up. He walks out and it immediately becomes clear she is not pleased by this reprimand.

She gets up and appears to search for another seat, checking first in Hobo Corner but it's already occupied. Somewhere between Addison & Sheridan, she proceeds over to the entrance vestibule, leans against the glass divider and drops trou.

Not 5 seconds later a stream of urine is audibly splashing upon the floor and her boots. The puddle quickly grows and soon is creating tributaries towards other passengers. My friend could do nothing but sit in stunned silence as the Sheridan stop approached.

Her bladder now empty, she started to walk back through the car. Another passenger shouted out: "You filthy nasty b itch, you best get yer ass of this train...". My friend disembarked and the fate of the filthy nasty bitch remains a mystery. But we have the lingering odor to remind us of her and her dissatisfaction with CTA policies.

The proliferation of CTA managers

One of our readers was wondering whether management hadn’t grown under CTA President Frank Kruesi – he claims it has grown from “700 desk jobs to just shy of 1500…. On a personal note, I know two people that work in the Howard yard, both say they have at least three bosses telling them what to do.”

“On a side note, I was told that many of the people laid off by the City in the last few years where "transferred" to the CTA in good ol' 11th Ward style politics. So I know why the CTA itself doesn't want to talk about layoffs. But still, why aren't the riders mentioning?”

So I asked the CTA Insider about this. His/her response:

The increase was stated as a 117% increase in administrative positions. This is true and they have been coming our way for the past 6 years. I had a buddy whose sister was in the Mart in personnel, and she told the story of this woman coming from the city and then stating her job was to get rid of anyone who didn't have a "Chinaman" who had the clout of her own guy.

There's at least 7 people I have seen come from city departments into the CTA  (with no knowledge of transportation at all). I wondered myself why the kibosh was put on any follow-up to this story. IT'S ALL POLITICS! The 3 bosses per guy is true, there's an administrative manager, customer assistance manager, transportation manager, general manager, special operations manager, special events manager and my all-time favorite...MANAGER AT LARGE!

These all have no interaction with the public and are not front-line employees. (Many have received info that they may be let go.)

Matching hair and tights

A woman in her mid-20s stands on a crowded Red Line train, her iPod headphones blaring. Her hair is dyed black with fuchsia-striped bangs. On the back of her head, the fuchsia takes over, making her head look ablaze. She has a number of head piercings, including nose and ear bars.

I gaze down to her legs and notice she's wearing 4-inch platform shoes over tights that are black with fuchsia diamonds. A very nice match to her head!

She politely but loudly asks if she can move ahead of the person in front of her to get closer to the exit. You see, members of the iPod nation can't hear, so they think they must talk louder to compensate.

Goin' to the dogs

The CTA Insider shares a story about guard dog that he/she says has been making the rounds of CTA employees:

"There has been a story making the rounds: This guy on a brown line train supposedly tells a K9 patrol guy, "I have all kinds of dogs." And as he's trying to pet the dog the officer tells him to back off.

"The guy then says, "Hey I'm good with dogs, watch!" He leans in and reaches for the dog.  The dog goes off on him trying to get to the guy, barking and snarling. The cop says the dog only does this when he 'hits' on something. So they searched the guys and it turns out he was carrying coke and weed."

As News of the Weird would say: Most Incompetent Criminal.

Post a comment below if you have a question for the CTA Insider.