CTA Tattler

The Gordita-eating Trannies

Patrick teased us earlier this week with promises of his story about the Gordito-Eating Trannies. Jocelyn and Gladys begged him to post it. He finally did. And of course it deserves a full posting, not just at the bottom of  "Crazy Commuting Tales."

What a way to start the weekend. I think I have to leave this here as the top post for the full weekend so ya'll can be sure to seee it. Thanks Patrick!

This is the tale of Ms Macramé and Ms Demure.

First, let me say that I love, no LOVE, the Transit Theater. I credit this to my late mother, a 1960’s cocktail drinkin’, Chesterfield smokin’ minister’s daughter who often took me, as a child, to hang out at the international terminal at O’Hare just to go “people watching”. At age 6 I was already fascinated by the seemingly endless visual smorgasbord of the human race.

Earlier this summer on a late Friday afternoon in mid-June, I left work a bit early. I was tired, it had been a long week and I just didn’t want to deal with the rush hour crowd in the loop. Mornings I usually take the Brown Line to downtown because I enjoy the morning light but at night I just want to get home as soon as possible so I always grab a north bound Red Line at Monroe. This Friday was like most; the car was full but not packed and it was very quiet. At the Lake St stop it all changed.

A few people got on including two remarkable young black women who grabbed everyone’s attention. They were young, tall and even taller in their summer heels. Big hair and breasts really added to the eye-popping vision. The shorter quieter one (whom I shall now and forever call Ms Demure) was a vision but the tall one? Absolutely stunning!

Feds come through with Brown Line funding

The U.S. House today officially approved $246 million in federal funding for the Brown Line capacity expansion project, Crain's reports.

So let the station closings begin!

Well, maybe not till fall.

The CTA's Web site doesn't say exactly when station will be closed, but it does give a rough time frame here (in pdf).

Cops shut down Red Line subway today at lunch

Teh Chicago Tribune is reporting today that the Red Line subway was shut down at about 12:30 today due to "police activity."

The CTA Web site reports that the subway was reopened at about 1:40 p.m. The Red Line ran above ground on the Brown Line tracks until then.

I'll bet those Cubs fans going to the 1:20 game today weren't at all happy to be inconvenienced. Nor anyone else, for that matter.

Let's hope for a smooth ride home.

The "laughing crazies" and "staring crazies"

In case  you missed these yesterday, I'm reposting a two Tattler Tales submitted by Rexblade. Hilarious! (Submit your own tales here.)

Somehow I keep running into the laughing crazies. Last night, while riding the #77 Belmont bus, there was a guy at the back who was snickering gleefully while tapping his feet. He nodded to me as I took one of the inward-facing seats. I nodded back then drew my attention to the front of the bus.

Next thing I knew, the guy had gone from mumbling to himself in Spanish, to calling out every stop on the route. He'd call out the next stop, then say "poop". He did this from Campbell to the Red/Brown line stop. I couldn't control my snickering as the man incessantly ranted, "Ashland..Poop!!... Southport...Poop!! Lakeview...Poop!! Racine....Poop!! Seminary...Poop!!!"

When the bus reached the "L" station, he stood up, gave everyone a "Howdy" and a nod as he made his way from the back of the bus to the front, then exited.

And one more from Rexblade:

Aside from the "laughing crazy" in the previous post, I'd like to add that I have run into a problem with the "staring crazies" on many occasions.

Last night, I was in a simple pair of jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. Nevertheless, there was a guy on the red line, about half a car away from me, who would NOT stop glaring at me. He had an expression that made me wonder if I did him some terrible injustice in a past life; it was one of those "I've finally found you, you rat bastard!" looks. He stared at me like this from Belmont until he got off the train at 69th.

Correction: When he wasn't sleeping, he was glaring at me. I'd glance nervously at him from time to time, and see him either with his face buried in the window, fast asleep, or sitting straight up and burning a hole in my forehead with his "stank-eye". Really kinda creepy. Has anyone else ever run into a "staring crazy" like this?

From talkers to texters back to talkers

Coming back from work, north on the Red Line (as usual), I see two women in their late 20s, obviously friends, maybe even relatives, chatting amiably.

Suddenly, one gets up and moves to a seat about 15 feet away, whips out her cell phone, obviously composing a text message. She sends it. Looks up to her friend 15 feet away and waits for her reaction. Her friend looks at her phone and replies.

She had sent the text message to her friend 15 feet away!

This continues for about 5-10 minutes or so. They alternately exchange meaningful glances the whole time.

And then, toward the end of their train ride, they moved side by side again, and start TALKING! You know ... "talking"!

Please comment below on your theories of the nature of their text messages.

Heady conversation -- between pass-outs

I board the Red Line north at Grand, and spy a seat in the facing seats by the door. Another touristy-looking gentlemen sits next to me by the door, wearing bright orange workout shorts, a T-shirt and yellow cap.

A guy in the adjacent is bent over almost in my seat, trying to dial a cell phone. Suddenly he turns to the guy by the door (I'm sitting between these two guys), hands him the phone over my back, and says, "Aw man, I just remembered we're in the tunnel and can't get any phone service here."

The two guys start talking. The guy who was trying to make the call is obviously coked-out or high on something else. His head hangs; his eyes drip red. The touristy guy tells him how he was trying to find his way around the city, and just got back from the Museum of Science and Industry. "You really oughta go see Body Worlds. It's really meant for adults you know."

This caught coke-guy's attention. "Oh yeah, tell me about that!" Like he expected some lascivious tales about nude bodies. Instead he got scientific tales about nude bodies.

Then coke-guy fell asleep. Head hanging down. When we exited the tunnel he just picked up where he left off chatting to touristy-guy. And he asked for the phone again. Made his call. And passed out again. And woke up again and started chatting.

All this time, touristy-guy is very nonchalant, and continues to talk -- when coke-guy is conscious at least.

It was all very surreal.

Embarrassing condition revealed

A woman in her 50s boards the Red Line at Fullerton. She's wearing a short-cropped top and low-rise jeans. No, you don't have to rub your eyes. You read correctly. A 50-ish woman (of average weight for a 50-ish woman) wearing low (and I mean low) rise jeans.

I was sitting facing her when she bent over to get something out of her bag. This posture revealed her Depends riding high out of the back of her low-rise jeans.

Children's game reverberates throughout train

Last week I got on a Red Line train crowded with children on some kind of day care outing. There were at least 20-25 kids spread throughout the car. It soon became apparent they were returning from a rare day game at U.S. Cellular Field.

Kids will be kids. They were all talking loudly and excitedly about the game and such. Soon I heard a rhythmic chant rising from the back end of the car. At first I couldn't make it out. Then I recognized the common childhood game:

"Rock paper scissors. Rock paper scissors.  Rock paper scissors.  Rock paper scissors.  Rock paper scissors. " Over and over again. "Rock paper scissors. Rock paper scissors.  Rock paper scissors."

That went on for at least 10 minutes. I rather enjoyed it, actually. Even Saddam likes to play.

Not sure who won, but they had some fun, even without this guide.

The legality of random subway searches

GapersBlock today notes the spirited discussion we're having on the constitutionality of random searches of passengers on transit systems.

GapersBlock also notes the Slate's Explainer Friday looked at the same topic. Some of its conclusions:

"The Fourth Amendment protects people from "unreasonable searches or seizures." As a general rule, the government can't search your baggage without a reason to believe you're a criminal. But according to legal precedent, a random search is acceptable if it fulfills special needs like public safety. If New York's subway screenings are challenged in court, the city's lawyers could argue that the program's primary purpose is to protect the city from terrorism.

"Unless a judge agrees that they fulfill a special need, the screenings will be on shaky legal ground. In 2000, the Supreme Court ruled that a roadblock used to screen drivers for drug crimes was unconstitutional, since its primary purpose was to apprehend drug traffickers. On the other hand, roadblocks that screen for drunk drivers have been deemed OK, since they promote highway safety. (The court did say in the 2000 ruling that "a roadblock set up to thwart an imminent terrorist attack" would almost certainly be constitutional.)"

This is uncharted territory. It will be interesting to see if a challenge is made to the New York initiative.

The sounds of the CTA

Boris emailed to remind me of the cool stuff on Tony Coppoletta's site.

He's got sounds of the CTA. Maybe you can download some ring tones for your phone. Then, not only could you bore fellow riders with talk about getting your blood mold excised, but you could also annoy them with your "This is Grand" ringer.

And he's got photos of all types of CTA fare media, including special promotional fare cards that I've never seen before. Very cool.