CTA Tattler

Rockin’ party on northbound Red Line

We’re on our way back from a White Sox game in the first car. At Harrison, about 15-20 18-year-olds jam onto the train. They’re all beautiful people, dressed for some fun after the first week of classes. The girls outnumber the guys.

Three gals take up one two-seater. One guy likes what he see and falls prone across all three laps. No spankings here though, as he lay face up enjoying the looks on his friends’ faces.

Ms. El-Know-It-All consults the map and proclaims, “Oh no, it’s more than an hour to Morse!” – when in reality it’s about 40-45 minutes.

The loud and lively riders proceeds north to their party destination. Meanwhile, at the other end of the car, another clutch of young folks gab away – one a stunningly beautiful woman. This dark-skinned beauty wears a short black dress with pink crinoline slip underneath, black patent leather faux cowboy boots with one – just one-- hot pink fishnet knee sock peeking out of the top over her black tights. Fabulous!

At Belmont (of course), a huge tranny boards. This guy is at least 6-4, and 230 pounds. She sits and immediately zones out, sleeping with her eyes and mouth open. Many of the college kids are greatly amused, since some of them have never seen a transvestite, let along a Gordita-eating transvestite.

As the train rolls into Loyola, the partygoers exit and regroup to find out where they are going. I’m glad they aren’t drinking and driving.

The Perve objects to his new handle

Two college kids are chatting on the Red Line. One is holding a unicycle. His buddy tells him: “Do you know that Megan had the audacity to call me a Perve?”

“So we’re talking on the phone, and all of a sudden she screams out, ‘SAUSAGE!”

“And I say, ‘What! Why are you screaming about sausage’?

“And she says, ‘Shut up you Perve! You guys are all alike, always thinking about sex!’

“Now, did I say anything about sex? That is just wrong!”

Brown Line contractors selected

The CTA board Wednesday voted to approve contracts for the reconstruction of Brown Line stations at Chicago, Armitage and Sedgwick, and Kimball, Kedzie, Francisco, Rockwell and Western.

From the CTA press release: "A $45.5 million contract was approved for the Chicago, Armitage and Sedgwick stations, and a $19.9 million contract was approved for the Kimball, Kedzie, Francisco, Rockwell and Western stations. Chicago-based FHP Tectonics Corporation was selected as the lowest responsive and responsible bidder for both contracts."

The Big Lie

"Please step back if you can't board this delayed train. Other trains are following immediately behind."

I'm thinking the CTA doesn't have a Webster's dictionary.

Pigeon's unrequited Ho-Ho craving

My daughter shares this story:

A 60-ish man sits on the Purple Line's Davis Street platform, eating a Ho-Ho.

A white pigeon sits directly at the platform's edge, eagerly eyeing the Ho-Ho.

He turns to my daughter and says with exasperation, "He's trying to get my Ho-Ho. No! You can't have my Ho-Ho."

On the train, they both were preparing to exit at Howard when the guy turns to my daughter and says, "Hey, your shoe's untied. I didn't want you to be falling for me or anything like that."

Macy Gray to wed future governor?

A family of three sits on the train busily working on homework, it appears.

Mom is a 30-ish woman wearing a dental hygienist smock, while her 9-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter wear the familiar school uniform of blue pants and white shirt.

Mom is asking her son questions from a spiral notebook and carefully recording his answers. Ah yes, Mom helping son with his homework after the first week of school, I think to myself.

Wrong.

When done asking all her questions, Mom reports back his answers to a popular childhood game:

"OK, when you grow up you're gonna marry Macy Gray, drive a Toyota Camry, and make $25,000. [Little sister clapped loudly at that figure.]

"You'll have three children, live in a six-bedroom house with two bathrooms and you'll be the governor.

"But you'll have to fix that $25,000 salary if you're gonna be the governor."

Tattooed by a lame pickup line

I have blogged about couples on the CTA, and Kyra over at the RedEye wrote recently about hookups on the CTA. But I had never actually witnessed one till I heard the "tattoo line" last week:

A 20-ish guy sits across the aisle from a 20-ish tattooed lass. "Can I ask you something," he says. "Did that hurt?"

"Oh, no!" she says. "It was not so bad at all"

"Well, I heard that they really hurt on the inside of the legs or arm. I was supposed to sit for one Saturday for two-and-a-half hours ,but I totally freaked out an bailed on it," he says. "Now this one on my bicep was fine -- only 1.5 hours."

So now he gets to yank up his short sleeve and show off his muscles. So obvious.

She nods, but seems unimpressed, and goes back to her reading.

She had simple five-pointed star tats on each calf.

CTA adds Blue Line cameras

The CTA Friday announced the addition of 11 security cameras at rail stations on the 54th/Cermak branch of the Blue Line. "This new connection will also allow CTA to link to the city’s 9-1-1 Center network of security cameras once the city completes the necessary technological upgrade later this year," according to a CTA press release.

The Tribune reports that this installation is an expansion of a pilot project begun three years ago on the Red and Orange Lines to test cameras and the fiber optic technology behind them.

More from the press release:

"In addition, CTA has embarked on two key infrastructure projects that will result in increasing the number of cameras on the network. The first is a $31 million communication upgrade which started this summer and includes installation of fiber optic cable and equipment at CTA rail stations, facilities and along tracks on the Yellow, Purple, Orange and Loop Elevated Lines, as well as on the O’Hare branch of the Blue Line and at Howard on the Red Line. The project is expected to take two years to complete.

"The second is a $12.7 million subway security project that calls for the installation of security cameras at 22 subway stations and non-public areas. When complete at the end of 2006, nearly 800 security cameras will have been installed as part of this project and will then be added to the network."

Van Halen fan sports bloody brick, head gash

Walter contributes this eerie Tattler Tale:

Summer of '03, mid-afternoon, my girlfriend and I are taking a northbound Green Line from Garfield back to the Loop. Our car is totally empty save for us lovebirds sitting together. At 47th St., a whippet-thin guy with a black Van Halen t-shirt gets on. He's carrying nothing but a single brick, slightly covered with a red substance remarkably similar both in color and viscosity to blood. My concern-radar rises to Defcon Two -- a level not seen since the Drunk-Cubs-Fan-Wearing-Shorts-Crapping-Himself-On-Red-Line debacle during the summer of '04.

So Possible-Murderer slash Van Halen Fan calmly sits down a few rows ahead of us. It was at that point we noticed the back of his head had a three inch, jagged bloody gash in it. I'm trying to calculate the chances that he hit himself with this brick, or whether he just got out of Fight Club, but I was overcome with the surrealness of it all. He's acting like everything is perfectly normal. The blood isn't really flowing out -- just soppy. My years of watching CSI reruns permits me to estimate he sustained the injury probably an hour or two before the train ride. Slightly coagulated, but still fresh.

On subsequent stops when more people get on the train, the whispers grow among those who are not sporting massive head wounds. I finally approach the guy and ask him if he needs to find a hospital -- he just stares at me with a vacant expression and never responds. Seconds later, he's up and out at Roosevelt as if he's on his way to work. He even does the "get up fifteen-seconds before my stop and wait at the door" trick.

Truly one of the more memorable CTA stories I can recall.

Thanks to Jocelyn and chicagoist.com

I want to send a hearty shout-out and thanks to frequent Tattler visitor and commenter Jocelyn for the chicagoist.com interview of yours truly.

Even the photo Pearl Wu took of me is not half bad. You know what I mean --  no one likes his own photo.