CTA Tattler

August gusto: The 151 Freak Show

The best post from August deals with the traveling freak show on the 151 bus:

Welcome to the 151 Freak Show

Erika shares this fabulous freak show tale:

A FREAK show . . . . that only the bus can deliver . . .

So, last Sunday, I'm ridin' home on the 151 bus yesterday after shopping at Bloomingdales. There was the craziest collection of utter freaks on that bus.

There was newlywed couple, who can't keep their hands off each other - which is not too freaky. Except the guy is utterly pasty and really pudgy with a high pitched squeaky voice, and his wife is a supermodel quality hottie, apparently Indian or something. I figure he must have money.

Then, up comes Angry Sporto Guy, who makes some snide comment (why?) to them as he huffs onto the bus. He's got a bright red face, big beer gut and looks reeeeally mad, and is lugging an enormous box of what is probably sport gear, but given the collection of nuts on board, I'm convinced it's bombs - he's the Sport Bomber.

The chick sitting next to me, is normal looking, stylishly dressed and with perfect makeup even. She then starts blinking rapidly and twitching and swearing and muttering about how the ACLU is not F***ING paying her enough, and they are F***ING with her . . . twitch-blink-blink-twitch.

In a respite from my horror, I glance at the mild mannered guy next to me, quietly reading his paper, which is neatly folded. Until I notice that the clipping is 10 years old, and it's a picture of Don Johnson, which is frayed from apparent affectionate fondling. He's gazing adoringly at this photo, and appears to be quite, uh, glad to look at ol' Don. Oy.

Then . . . JESUS BOARDS THE BUS. I kid you not, from the Lincoln Park zoo, a guy with long black hair, long white robe, sandals and . . . a big cross w/ INRI on it gets on. Sport Bomber apparently is very offended by Jesus, because he starts making angry remarks and is trying to pick a fight with him, his enormous sport bag is swinging inches from my face. Jesus, predictably, is diplomatic and appears to defuse the situation, at least until Sport Bomber exits the bus, near the playing fields.

This causes the Mutterer to rave louder about that damn ACLU . . .

Jesus gets off near Sheridan and Belmont, forgiving sins for everyone on the bus.

Paper Gazer gets off at a nursing facility on Sheridan, never taking his eyes off Don.

We get up to Irving/Broadway, and there is a guy lying LYING flat out on the sidewalk, all bright red and sunburned, apparently passed out drunk. Right on the sidewalk.

This all happened Sunday on the SAME bus ride. I kid you not. It was totally crazy.