CTA Tattler

From the CTA Lost-n-Found: Streisand album

I noticed an unattended package last week on one of the facing seats adjacent to the door. I had to resist the urge to call police, because, after all, the CTA tells you "if you see something, say something."

But this something turned out to be so innocuous. No white soap powder here to shut down entire train lines for hours.

What I did find was ensconced lovingly in a plastic blue Jewel bag.

It was Barbara Streisand's Greatest Hits! No doubt left on the train by someone who had just been down to a Ticketmaster outlet to pay $600 for a seat at one of her Farewell Tour concerts.

Well, you can say farewell to that album now.

Sing it Alice: "School's out for summer..."

The ride to work Monday morning was quiet. And I left a little early, and that ride home was quiet too.

I wondered why.

Then I remembered that Chicago Public Schools are finally adjourned for the summer, so those wild, crazy, wacky and rambunctious high school kids were sleeping at 7:30 Monday morning. (Who knows? They might have been sleeping at 4 pm too.)

So there was no loud chatter on trains and buses; no jostling and jousting each other in the aisles. And no general obnoxiousness.

Just quiet.

Like most schoolkids, I hope the Tuesday after Labor Day never comes.

Shell Game rears its ugly head

The Shell Game is back with a vengeance on CTA trains.

Both my daughter and Tattler reader Chris saw the guys in action last week. And Chris provided this short video:

Here's Chris' description of the guys schtick:

The Shell Game team is back!  I watched in horror as a team of three very sketchy looking individuals defrauded a young man of $45. A man sporting a ratty old suit and a hat that went out of style in 1965 entered from the next car, and walked down to my end of the train.  He carried a large flat card in one hand, and offered to double anyone's money who guesses correctly which of three yellow bottle caps hides a little red ball, after he has, of course, shuffled them. 

There was one very enthusiastic taker, who immediately doubled his $20 to $40.  Never mind that the winner was dressed like the man in the hat and looked like his brother.  One of my fellow passengers, a young man of about 19 or 20, I would say, was looking very interested in this game.  To encourage him, a toothless woman, clothes as well-worn as the shuffler and the first winner, cheered him on: "You can't beat this!  Go for it - double your money."  But the shuffler raised the stakes: "Who can show me forty?  I'll only do it for $40 now." 

The young man reached for his wallet - the rest of the passengers winced.  Out came the forty dollars, and the sleight-of-hand practitioner began to shuffle around the caps.  "Oh, it's that one for sure!" cried the man who "won" the first contest. "Don't listen to him, it's under there!" shouted the toothless woman. "Shut up, no helping!" was the dealer's retort. 

He played annoyed quite well.  The young contestant made his pick, and lost his $40. "Don't give up now," said the first contestant.  "I won $40.  You can win it back."  Succumbing to the gambler's fallacy, our tragic figure put in his last $5, hoping to make it $10.  I hope he enjoyed his $45 ride on the El."

Lots of bus line changes on the West Side

The CTA has announced more bus route changes and additions to those previously scheduled to take effect Monday with the introduction of the Pink Line on June 26.

Starting Sunday, the CTA has scheduled service enhancements to 13 bus lines serving the West Side.

Gotta give the CTA credit for getting this right. It will be interesting to see how the whole Pink Line route works out.

Great insights and Tattler tales from fellow readers

Here are some wacky reader tales gleaned over the week:

Sign that the Apocalypse is near: Frequent contributor Cheryl saw this strange site: "This was a CTA first for me. Northbound 146, after 6 PM yesterday. The cell phone of the woman next to me rings. She answers, talks a bit, starts looking around the bus -- her caller is several rows behind us. I traded seats with the woman on the other phone so they could talk in person rather than on the phone.

Tales from the Don't Go Lane: LadyDay shares: "So yesterday I'm boarding the 147. I touch my Chicago Card and the bus driver yells at me to come back. He tells me I can't touch my card if someone else is inserting money or a card into the fare box. WTF? I thought the "Go Lane" was supposed to make things faster....as usual Nice job CTA! It's not faster if you still have to wait for the person in front of you!!"

Are you experienced? Cmama's list of things you have to experience to be an official CTA rider:

1. Have a perv whip it out in front of you.
2. Ride a pee smelling train.
3. Be delayed at least 30 minutes "waiting for signals ahead."
4. Be a passenger of a broken down bus or train (extra points if it decouples, derails or is involved in a train/bus accident)."

And Erin adds yet more CTA "must" experiences:

1. Bear witness/be confronted by a crazy person.
2. Sit next to someone who thinks the "butt pivot" is the acceptable way to allow you to exit your window seat.
3. Be annoyed by trixies.
4. Deal with drunken, um, baseball fans.
5. Ride the Red Line at least once for morning rush, afternoon rush, and on a Saturday night.

Harrison crazies: Protect your wives!

Craziness ruled at the Harrison Red Line kiosk level last week.

One of the residents crazies familiar to the Jones College Prep students at the Harrison stop was in his prime.

He roamed the kiosk level both mumbling and screaming. The station attendant finally had had enough: "Hey man, you get out of here before I call the police."

Mr. Crazy had his response ready: Hey Man, you know that's bullshit. You and I both know you're down here f***king everybody's wives while they're not looking. So f**k you! You can call the police all you want, because I'm leaving."

Goodbye! And say adieu to those wives!

Share your voice: Vote on "Quiet Car" concept

Last week I wrote about the "Quiet Car" on the Hiawatha Amtrak train to Milwaukee. The rules are simple: Quiet talking only and NO cell phone use.

Some of you thought it was a good idea. Others felt it was just another rule that the CTA would not be able to enforce.

Personally, I think it's a great idea, that WILL be enforced by riders themselves -- kinda like the "no smoking" rule. The few times I have seen someone smoking on a train car, riders have told the guy or gal to put it out. I think the CTA just needs to advertise the new feature, put up signs in the car -- it should probably be the last car on every train -- and see how it works out.

What do you think? Vote below, if we get enough votes in favor, I'll present the findings at a CTA board meeting and ask for a pilot project.

Mom grooms son, harvests love

Mom boards the Red Line with her 14-year-old son. They both take aisle seats, Mom behind her son.

She starts asking pointed questions about school, etc.

Meanwhile, the whole time they talk, she is grooming him. She picks at the lint pills on his shirt and at the hair on his head, admonishing: "Did you pick your hair last night?"

He next pulls out a pack of peanut butter cookies. She scolds him for not washing his hands first before eating.

Then she wipes the crumbs from his mouth, and tells him to eat a better breakfast at school.

He exits at Wilson, each telling the other, "I love you!"

It was very sweet.

Money talks in adolescent discipline

On the Red Line south on a Monday morning, Mom is reviewing her 9-year-old son's report on Odysseus.

He is explaining something about the report when he stops him abruptly and says, "I told you not to talk with your fingers in your mouth!"

"But I don't!" -- "I just saw you!" -- "No!" -- "Yes!"

Mom: "Now I just want you to say: 'I will work on it.' Say it!"

Hesitation.

"I'll try."

"That's not what I want to hear. "Say 'I'll work on it.' "

"I'll try."

She puts her hand near his face, as if to slap him. "I'll take $5 from your allowance. Say it!"

"I'll work on it."

Money talks.

Restful repose for CTA riders captured

My daughter turned me on to a Web site with some fabulous photos by Hellvetica:

Sleepers on the CTA. Really. You must check it out. Below is just one photo by Hellvetica.