CTA Tattler

Maggie stories: The humper and non-gay guy

Here are a couple quickies from the CTA riding experiences of Maggie:

Maggie is walking past the Randolph #60 bus shelter on East Randolph. There she sees a guy lying on the wooden bench humping it.

She enters Lake street station platform of the Red Line at 10:30 pm on a week night. She see a guy who is talking to himself -- certainly a common CTA sight. But everyone is packed at the other end of the station. He sits down next to her and says, "Hey,  Ice Princess," and continues talking to her with his hands moving through the air.

"Do you think I'm scary?"

"Well no, not really."

"Do you know that every man in the world is gay? I'm not gay but every other man is."

Maggie joins the other riders at the other end of the platform. 

Snow White and the Seven Crown

I board the Red Line northbound at Sheridan and move toward the Hobo Corner. Sitting in the seat on the other side of the HC is a tall, heavy-set man in his late 30s. He has a moustache, goatee, and male pattern baldness perfectly centered on the top of his head, much like a yarmulke.

He is watching Casino Royale on a small, silver DVD player. He is wearing a blindingly white sweatsuit, with snow-white tennis shoes. His entire outfit is absolutely without blemish.

As we near Wilson, he closes his DVD player, and pulls a half pint whiskey bottle out of his sweatsuit pocket. He uncaps the bottle and takes a really long pull. After which, he sighs contentedly, and replaces the bottle in the snowy depths of his sweatshirt hoodie pocket.

He stands up to exit, and turns to a small, prim, young woman with short, curly dark hair in a plaid nerd shirt. He abruptly asks her: "Do I have any dirt on the back of this? Any dirt, anywhere?"

The young woman shrugs and says, "No, you look just fine."

He gives his shoes once last once over and exits at Wilson.

A last wave - and then tears

A young couple stand chatting on the Belmont platform. She boards the Red Line, he stays behind on the platform to catch another train.

As she takes her seat on the Red, he waves enthusiastically at her through the window. Another happy couple bidding adieu as they head off to work.

Or so it seems.

As the train pulls away from Belmont, she starts crying. She's trying to be discreet, but the tears are obvious. She stops for a few minutes, and then suddenly screws up her face a bit and starts crying again.

She cries on and off till I get off at Grand. It's quite sad to witness. And it makes me wonder what exactly had sparked the tears. Another CTA mystery.

New Belmont platform, tracks ready for use Aug. 9

The new platform and tracks on the east side of the Belmont station will be put into use starting at 9 pm on Thursday, Aug. 9, the CTA has announced.

I'm looking forward to checking out the new platform. I wonder if the elevator and escalators will be working.

In other CTA news:

Canopy work at Sedgwick. Next weekend, northbound Brown Line trains will share the track with southbound trains to allow workers to install the canopy. From 1 a.m. Saturday, Aug. 11, to 4:30 a.m. Monday, Aug. 13,  northbound riders should board on the southbound side.

Weeknight Red Line reroutes to elevated tracks. The Red Line tunnel slow zone work picks up the pace next week when the northbound trains will run on the elevated tracks. From 9 pm till 5 am starting Monday, Aug. 6, through Thursday, Aug. 9, you'll have to use the elevated stops to catch a Red Line headed north. Also, the CTA says, "weeknights (Monday to Thursday) through November either northbound or southbound Red Line trains will be rerouted to the elevated tracks to allow crews to replace deteriorated wooden rail ties with concrete rail ties and eliminate slow zones from Grand to Clark/Division.

Satellite dishes vs. trees

Overheard from a 60-some-year-old lady to her 30ish son, on the Red Line on their way to a Cubs game:

"Usually when I come here to visit, I look at all the different satellite dishes on the houses. This year I'm noticing all the different varieties of trees. At least 12."

And: "Do you think we'll find our favorite beer vendor again this year?"

Made me want to raise a 16-ounce Bud with the lady.

A primer on CTA's rules for behavior

A reader last week who recently moved to Chicago asked me where she could find rules for behavior on the CTA. I couldn't find them on the CTA Web site, so I asked the CTA for them. Noelle Gaffney sent me a copy of the 1998 ordinance spelling out what we can and can't do on the CTA.

"Some of these rules are not posted because, as you will see when you read through them, they are common sense and widely understood in terms of behaviors that are not acceptable in a public place," Gaffney wrote in sharing them with me. (Clarification: Gaffney later today asked me to clarify that "many of these rules are posted and conveyed through announcements.  In my first email response to you I explained that the rules were generally posted at the location where it was most logical to place it.")

Fair enough. But some of them are interesting to know. So here goes:

Medicine only. It's illegal to "consume any food or beverage, excluding medicines." Keep the Tylenol handy in the slow zones.

Turn it down! It's illegal to "use an entertainment appliance, radio, musical instrument or other sound-emitting device, which is clearly audible to others." This was passed in 1998, but I gotta believe it covers the walkie-talkie-like Nextel and other squawking phones.

Those hazardous sleepers. It's illegal to "sleep or doze where such activity may be hazardous to such person or others or where such activity may interfere with the operation of the CTA's transit system." I'm not sure if that covers the "egregious sleepers" whom I have complained about.

Keep it in your mouth. It's illegal to "spit saliva, food, gum, tobacco or any other substance." Hmmm. You could be ticketed first for eating, and then spitting food.

La Leche League thanks you. You can't "expose one's breast, buttocks, or genitals on ... the CTA; provided that breast-feeding of infants does not violate this ordinance."

No cunnilingus or fellatio. It's illegal to "perform sexual intercourse or any other sex act, including but not limited to cunnilingus or fellatio." That was just a puerile excuse to use those words twice in one paragraph on this blog.

Gamblers begone!  You can't "use any shell game, sleight-of-hand or juggling trick (?!?), or any other game to cheat, defraud, or unlawfully obtain money." Has anyone seen a juggling trick?

No tracts or rave notices. And don't try to "post, stick, stamp, paint, or affix any sign, notice, circular, handbill, placard, poster, card, advertisement or other device calculated to attract the attention of the public."

Pepper spray is OK. It's illegal to possess or carry any pistol, revolver, firearm, dagger, stiletto, billie club, knife, stun gun, taser, mace, bludgeon, explosive device or other weapon." But this section does not apply to cops or jail and military personnel, or pepper spray.

And here's what happens to you violators: "A fine of not less than $100; a period of supervision; restitution; community service for not less than 30 and not more than 120 hours."

Download the PDF of the ordinance below.

Download cta_ordinance98126.pdf