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A most vicious and explicit rant

As my southbound Red Line train rolled to a rest at Chicago, I sensed -- ie. heard -- trouble brewing. Waiting to board my car was a couple who were screaming at each other.

As the door opened, the cacophony grew exponentially, especially as she entered the car and took her seat across the aisle from me

She was cursing and hollering and generally giving her companion the what-for and the you damn better not.

She was squat and roundly built, just under 5 feet tall. Her compadre was lean, lanky and at least 6 feet 2 inches tall. He was wearing a mechanic's dark blue jumpsuit.

And it continued: "mother f***er" this and "son of a bitch" that.

She already had the undivided attention of the entire car on the way to Grand. But then she spewed out the real jaw-dropper. (And please do forgive the explicitness here):

"And stop eating my pussy! Stop eating my pussy! Stop eating my pussy!"

Um, yes, three times, for emphasis I suppose.

"You come home after 10 hours of work all dirty and smelly and you won't even wash your hands! And you want to eat my pussy?"

Unfortunately, I had to disembark at Grand and missed the rest of that precious rant.

Comments

Hahaha!! Post of the week!

BLINKS

BLINKS AGAIN

Instead of a link johnson, please just post the info.

February 26, 2009 (CHICAGO) (WLS) -- Mayor Daley's set to announce the CTA's new president Thursday.

Richard Rodriguez will reportedly take over the post held by his predecessor Ron Huberman. Mayor Daley appointed Rodriguez to head the city's aviation department last year.

Prior to that he was the city's buildings commissioner.

Rodriguez takes over the Chicago Transit Authority at a time when the agency is struggling to close a $242-million budget gap.

Sorry, I'm still asleep, I meant that for Sargas.

I, too, am sorry you had to alight at Grand, Mr. Tattler. Seems like she was just getting warmed up. She's got a point and I can only imagine where the monolog went from there. This is Grand, indeed.

I've never been to the theatre to see it, but is that perhaps some excerpts from the "Vagina Monologues"?


(I had to do it, it was a moral imperative).


KevinB

So, on crazy commuting tales of my own, I take the purple line from Howard. We end up stopping 4 times completely on the trip to Belmont.

Just past addison we stop for the 5th time at the Belmont junction. I'm in the front seat of the first car so I can see out the left window. I can also see the driver from my vantage point.

While waiting for the signal change (2 minutes or so), the driver puts his head down on the console. I can see the signal change, but no movement.

After another minute, I rap smartly on the window and the operator "wakes up".

I love Chicago.
I love the CTA.


KevinB

UCC,

I did not post anything. But thanks for the heads up.

Wow! That lady was a piece of work. I hope they broke up.

Oh man, I was just coming here to tell everyone about the woman who puts voodoo curses on people when she wants their seat. Somehow, that just doesn't measure up to Kevin's story.

Man, what's a guy to do after a long day at work? Enjoy a beer?

I always wondered what ever happened to that girl I knew from high school- thanks Kevin.

Cheryl-

I'm intrigued, please tell me more.

Poor cat.

So glad I don't ride the red line.

I did have a bit of a scary situation on the brown line last week involving a rather aggressive preacher. I've been reading quite a bit lately, and had ordered a few books written by Richard Dawkins. I was reading one of his books titled "The God Delusion". I was reading it on the Sedgewick platform while waiting for my train home and a guy comes up to me to tell me that my book was a "tool of the devil". He proceeded to follow me onto the train, while continuing to preach to me about how I'm going to hell and all that jazz. He followed me when I got off at Belmont too, trailed me to the bus stop and stood there still yapping away. I ended up asking the police officer who walks around at Belmont and Sheffield to get him to go away. I said very little to the man himself as he wasnt interested in having a discussion. He just wanted to preach.

I'm deaf and sometimes it has its advantages!

DIGG! This must be DIGGED

I was on the Green Line in the loop over the weekend, when a guy got on at Clark/Lake wearing a safety vest and pushing some kind of cart. I thought he was a CTA employee at first, until he started to yell at a couple of kids to get the f**k out of his way. Then he started to yell at them for dealing drugs. As he made his way down the aisle, it became visably and olfactorily obvious that he was heavily, heavily intoxicated, and he kept yelling at the kids about how he wasn't afraid of them and whatnot.

Fortunately, the kids got off right away at State/Lake, with one of them laughing at the old dude, and the other one glaring at him like he was going to start something. Old dude continued to mutter about how everyone's lives were in danger from the drug dealers, and that that's what kids do with the cell phones is deal drugs.

Before too long, the woman sitting in front of me had enough, and told the dude to "shut the f**k up." This made the dude angry, more than anything because he was being yelled at by a woman. He said something about how her attitude "made her a bitch," before finally getting up, walking over to where she was sitting, and calling her, point blank, a "n****r," like it was the most devastating thing he could think of (I should probably point out that he was black, too).

I got off at that point (Adams/Wabash), so who knows how it ends.

I'd love to see a Brown Line Preacher/Voodoo Lady mash up.

Nate,

I've been taking the Brown Line a lot lately, what with the buses all screwed up, and I've seen her once, but people tell me she's a regular. She's a middle aged woman, she doesn't look crazy, but if she gets on the train and can't find a seat, she pulls out some sort of rattle and goes into this chant until she finally scares someone enough for them to get up to get away from her. Then she sits down. If I see her again I'll try to get a video.

Well, after yesterday's entry, I was afraid the CTA was going to get all polite and prayerful. But things are back to normal already, I see. :-)

And stop eating my pussy! Stop eating my pussy! Stop eating my pussy!"

Too bad, just two syllables shy of a Haiku.

You should have continued to Lake so you could hear the conclusion, knowing full well that there would be a north bound train in less than 5 minutes or your money back.

Does anyone know what the white powder was on the red line tracks today. I saw it it Monroe and that again at Clark/Division.

I totally hate it when dudes keep eating my pussy. I can't tell you how many times I've come home after a long day of answering phones, only to have some guy start yet again.

Life is hard.

This isn't CTA-related (although I was walking next toward the Morse Red Line station at the time). There I was, just walking along in my own happy land and this skinny, tall woman stopped me as she walked perpendicular to my path.

She grabbed her feminine parts through her pants and said, "Girrrrrlll, I am so SORE! I just got f*cked by a 13-inch c*ck."

I think I said, "Good for you?" and continued on my way. This was shortly after I moved to the city and I fell in love with Chicago just a little more.

Kimberli, you made me laugh out loud. Actually I was waiting for a comment like this because I've heard similar from close female friends who essentially said: "A guy who really WANTS to eat your pussy, and you're complaining!"

All I'm saying is if the dude doesn't even bother to take a shower because the first thing he wants to do when he gets home is not eat dinner, but your eat your whatnot, then he's a keeper.

Glad I could make you smile. :-)

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