CTA Tattler

Trouble on the North Side

Two teenage boys get on the train going north at Belmont, swearing loudly and making sure everyone heard them.

"Damn! That punk-ass bitch gave me a ticket for smoking on the platform."

He looked back at his friend and said:

"I knew we would have trouble the minute we got to the North Side."

Then, going through the door between cars, he said:

"Let's see if we can get the M***er F***er to give us a ticket for THAT!"

Coming to a roaring stop

We've all been on the train barreling headlong through the long, dark tunnel, surpassing 60 m.p.h. Perhaps between the Clark/Division and North/Clybourn stops on the Red Line. Just as I was this night.

And you wonder, as the train quickly approaches the next station, "How will it ever manage to stop in time?"

Well this night, the train did stop at the station in time, amazingly enough.

And the motorman gloriously acknowledged the unlikely occasion by very simply announcing after the stop:

"Thank you!"

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's shirt

A reader shared his own story last week.

So I'm riding northbound on the Red Line one night after class and work. It's probably around 9 p.m.

As I'm riding, I notice a guy staring at me. He soon approaches me, and begins a conversation with: "Do you have another shirt on under that one?"

What?

"Do you have another shirt on?"

Um, no.

"Oh, (uncomfortable silence). Do you have another one in your bag?"

What, no, I don't have any other shirts . . . why

"I like your shirt." (More uncomfortable silence.) "That's a great shirt, can I have it?"

No!

"I'll trade you my shirt for it."

No!

"I'll trade you my shirt and $20."

NO!

"$40"

What? NO, no way!

Luckily by this time we had reached my stop. But that was truly a first in many years of riding the Red Line.

Red Line still life

Riding north to Howard, I look down and see these items, artistically arranged in the corner, obviously by the same person:

1. One box of Boston Baked Beans candy, empty.
2. A crumpled bag of Nacho Cheese Doritos, empty.
3. A brown drugstore vial, formerly containing one course of penicillin, empty.
4. A Pick 4 Lotto ticket, checked off, non-winning.

Sorry, but I just can't help but think this poor guy is living an empty, non-winning life as well.

Prophylactic Pink

Overheard from a Red Line celler:

"Well, he should just take Pepto-Bismol before he eats."

And that was less than two minutes after she had said:

"I told him the hash browns just weren't enough."

Tis the season -- to be jostled and smacked

It's not even Thanksgiving and we're already being buffeted by passengers laden with shopping bags and packages. As if being smacked with a backpack wasn't enough.

On the way home last night, a seated woman in front of me was bopped in the head by another standing woman wielding two shopping bags, while I was pummeled by a guy's backpack as he slid around another person to exit.

At least the woman was polite enough to apologize.

Let's all try to adopt the holiday spirit and keep our packages and backpacks to ourselves. And if the inevitable happens, simply smile and say you're sorry.

The sidelong glance

Nearly everyone uses the sidelong glance. You know -- where you do the quick, furtive look at the person who just sat down next to you on the bus or train. You hope the quick sidelong glance will answer one or more of these questions:

1. Is he a pervert?
2. Is she cute?

3. Does he smell?

4. Is that HER perfume?

5. Is he dangerous?

6. Is she a talker?

7. Is he a hunk?

8. How's her boobs?

9. What's he reading?

10. Didn't that sweater go outta style in the 80s?

Click Comments below to tell us what goes through YOUR mind.

Predictions on what CTA will do

Now that the CTA's Springfield gamble didn't work, what will it do? The CTA  has threatened to cut service drastically if the Illinois Legislature failed to cough up $88.5 million in new funding.

CTA President Frank Kruesi was the only one left sputtering and coughing when the Legislature told him to wait till the spring session for funding help.

So will the CTA follow through on its big service cut threat.

No. Because Mayor Daley won't let it happen.

Here's what I predict will happen:

• A 25-cent fare increase to take effect Jan. 2, 2005. That will raise about $20 to $25 million of the projected $55 million needed to balance the budget.
• There will be no service cuts in January as threatened.
• The state legislature will come up with some additional money to bridge the $30 to $35 million gap.
• But it won't be enough, so the CTA will do some small cuts -- both in service and other areas -- to balance the budget.

What do you think?

Samurai sharpening chef

John was reading on "Weird carry-on packages" when he shared this unsettling tale:

"My favorite item brought on the 'El wasn't anything all that strange, but everything around it was.  I was on the Brown Line, around 2 p.m., when a student from CHIC (Culinary and Hospitality Institute of Chicago) gets on the train and sits down. 

"He is still decked out in his cooking outfit and he pulls out a huge carving knife.  He then pulls out his sharpening "sword," and with his arms raised above his head, makes a huge show of sharpening his knife.

 

"What was hilarious was the fact that the more that people were ignoring him, the louder and faster his sharpening got.  Of course, this was several years ago, before 9/11, but it was still amazing that no one paid any attention to this crazy chef-in-training as he sharpened his knives on the train."

Readers relate their own Tattler Tales

Since my blog was featured in the Chicago Tribune (reg. req.) a week ago, many of you wonderful people have written to add your crazy stories about traveling Chicagoland on the CTA.

And I thought I had some strange experiences.

You guys came through with so much good stuff, that I've added a new category called Best reader Tattler Tales. There, I will spotlight the good stuff you guys have seen and heard on the twisted tracks and reckless roads traveled by the CTA.

I'll publish these on weekends, when I don't usually post my own tales.

Thanks for your interest. And keep those wild stories coming. Post them here. Or click Comments below.